瑟伯作品

詹姆斯·瑟伯（James Thurber，1894-1961），美国著名作家和漫画家，生于俄亥俄州哥伦布市，1913-1918年在俄亥俄州立大学学习，但不久离开学校，从事报纸工作。1926年，他前往纽约市担任《哥伦布晚邮报》的记者，1927年加入杂志《纽约客》团队，担任主编和撰稿人，发表漫画和寓言，晚年还曾在耶鲁大学执教。他创作了大量散文、随笔、寓言、故事，主要作品集有《我的生活和艰难岁月》《当代寓言集》《十三座钟》《奇异的“0”》《瑟伯嘉年华会》《和罗斯在一起的岁月》等。他多以动物代人，运用幽默的笔调来揭示现代社会中的人生百态。

娶了哑妻的鹳

一只丹麦鹳习惯跟一帮男伙伴在外面的镇子每周都厮混六夜，喝酒、掷骰子、玩配对游戏。自从他娶妻以来，他的妻子就从未离开过那位于烟囱顶上的巢穴，因为他不想让她了解男人的事情。他通常要到凌晨四点才回家——除非聚会在鲁本家里继续进行。回来时，他总会带给她一盒糖果，递给她的时候还一边讲鹳的故事，那无非都是些无稽之谈。他会说：“我出去接生了。我快累死了，但我要继续履行职责。”一天早晨，她问：“你为谁接生去了？”他说：“为人类。没有别人的帮助，人就不能生出孩子。所有其他动物都能生孩子，但就是人无能为力。从衣食到友谊的一切事情，他们统统都要依赖于其他动物。”就在那时，电话铃响了，那只鹳拿起接听，挂断电话时说：“又一个婴儿快要生了，今夜我还得出去。”因此那天夜里，他就再次出去了，直到早晨七点三十分才回家。他递给妻子一盒糖果时说：“蒂希的情况很特别，生了五个女孩。”只是他没有提到那五个女孩都是二十多岁的金发美女。

过了一会，那只雌鹳就开始思考。她的丈夫告诉过她决不要离开巢穴，因为世界上到处都有为鹳而设置的陷阱，但她开始怀疑这样的说法，于是她就飞到外面的世界，观察、倾听。就这样，她学会了辨别时间，对男人所说的话有所保留；她发现正如诗人所说的那样，糖果是花花公子，烈酒能更快催眠；她还发现人类的后代根本就不是由鹳接生出世的。对她来说，最后这一发现是巨大的打击，但对于那位爸爸来说则是更大的打击——第二天早晨差一刻就到六点，他回到家的时候，他的妻子冷冰冰地说道：“好哇，你个假产科医生，今天你那些金发碧眼的五胞胎怎么样了？”说着就把一块烟囱上的砖扣在他的脑袋上。

寓意：男性被迫撒谎和闲逛，但女人的位置在家里。

THE STORK WHO MARRIED A DUMB WIFE

A Danish stork was in the habit of spending six nights a week out on the town with the boys，drinking and dicing and playing the match game. His wife had never left their nest，which was on a chimney top，since he married her，for he did not want her to get wise to the ways of the male. When he got home，which was usually at four o’clock in the morning——unless the party had gone on to Reuben’s——he always brought her a box of candy and handed it to her together with a stork story，which is the same as a cock-and-bull story.“I’ve been out delivering babies，”he would say.“It’s killing me，but it is my duty to go on.”“Who do you deliver babies for？”she asked one morning.“Human beings，”he said.“A human being cannot have a baby without help from someone. All the other animals can，but human beings are helpless. They depend on the other animals for everything from food and clothing to companionship.”Just then the phone rang and the stork answered it.“Another baby on the way，”he said when he had hung up.“I’ll have to go out again tonight.”So that night he went out again and did not get home until seven-thirty in the morning.“Thish was very special case，”he said，handing his wife a box of candy.“Five girls.”He did not add that the five girls were all blondes in their twenties.

After a while the female stork got to thinking. Her husband had told her never to leave the nest，because the world was full of stork traps，but she began to doubt this. So she flew out into the world，looking and listening. In this way she learned to tell time and to take male talk with a grain of salt; she found out that candy is dandy，as the poet has said，but that licker is quicker; she discovered that the offspring of the human species are never brought into the world by storks. This last discovery was a great blow to her，but it was a greater blow to Papa when he came home the next morning at a quarter to six.“Hello，you phony obstetrician，”said his wife coldly. “How are all the blonde quintuplets today？”And she crowned him with a chimney brick.

MORAL： The male was made to lie and roam，but woman’s place is in the home.

猎人和粉色大象

从前有一个猎人，他耗费了生活中最美好的岁月去寻找一头粉红色的大象。他在中国寻找，在非洲寻找，在桑给巴尔①寻找，在印度寻找，但就是找不到。他寻找得越久，他就越是想要一头粉红色的大象。他如此专注于自己的追求，即便是践踏黑色的兰花，走过紫色的奶牛也视而不见。然后有一天，在世界的一个偏远的角落，他偶然遇到了一头粉红色的大象，他耗费了十天给大象挖掘陷阱，又雇佣了四十个土著人帮助他把大象赶进陷阱，最终才捕获了那头粉红色的大象，将其捆绑起来带回美国。

当那个猎人回到家，他发现自己的农场真的不适合大象。那头大象践踏他妻子的大丽花和芍药花，踩碎他孩子的玩具，碾压周边的小动物，捣坏钢琴和厨房的橱柜——好像它们是装着浆果的盒子。在那个猎人拥有那头大象大约两年之后，有一天，他醒来发现妻子离开了他的床，孩子离开了他的黑板，庄园上所有的动物都死了，只剩下那头大象，它一如既往，只是褪色了——再也不是粉红色，而是白色。

寓意：灌丛中的一个负担等于你手上的两个负担。

注：①坦桑尼亚的组成部分，有若干个岛屿组成。

THE HUNTER AND THE ELEPHANT

Once upon a time there was a hunter who spent the best years of his life looking for a pink elephant. He looked in Cathay and he looked in Africa; he looked in Zanzibar and he looked in India; but he couldn’t find one. The longer he looked，the more he wanted a pink elephant. He would trample black orchids and he would walk right past purple cows，so intent was he on his quest. Then one day in a far corner of the world he came upon a pink elephant and he spent ten days digging a trap for it and he hired forty natives to help him drive the elephant into the trap. The pink elephant was finally captured and tied up and taken back to America.

When the hunter got home，he found that his farm was really no place for an elephant. It trampled his wife’s dahlias and peonies，it broke his children’s toys，it crushed the smaller animals around the place，and it smashed pianos and kitchen cabinets as if they were berry boxes. One day，when the hunter had had the elephant for about two years，he woke up to find that his wife had left his bed and his children had left his board and all the animals on the estate were dead except the elephant. The elephant was the same as ever except that it had faded. It wasn’t pink any more. It was white.

MORAL： A burden in the bush is worth two on your hands.